Back To My Roots

This morning I got up around 6:30 to take a drive a few miles up the road to Bedford Hills New York. What is there? . . . Goats. And lots of them.

by 8:30 this morning I had helped milk, feed and clean 37 goats. I began working on a farm when I was 10 years old, and just as I mentioned a few days ago, my heart will never leave the farm life. I respect and love everything about nature, and the farms that I have worked on. Everything from the environment that we are blessed enough to be surrounded by, to the animals who make me giggle every minute I am with them; even if I have been working for house and am hot as hell.

Lauren and a few of the lively Does

Lauren's new farm is known for its production of goat cheese, and other dairy products. Her job is to care for the animals and milk them everyday. The milk is then brought up to the top of the farm where it is processed and made into whatever product they'll have. I miss being able to hold something in my hand that I have had a hand in making. That may be one of the reasons that I love cooking so much. I actually have a tangible product to hold.

Getting to that finished product, is the reason that it is so rewarding to finally see it complete. Let me tell you, they make milking cows and goats look a lot easier in the movies. It has probably been 5 years since I have had my hand on teat. The little ones are slippery, and the bigger ones hurt your hand muscles after a while. . . (Slight pause for immature laughter, welcomes)

I was almost finished, my last goat, on the last squeeze, decided that it would be a good idea to sneeze. As her head went down into her feed bucket, her leg went up, back down, and right into the fresh milk. This resulted in a less then welcomed milk bath. For the rest of the morning I could feel the sun  turning the fresh dairy on my clothes and any other area that I had missed in my futile attempt at washing up.

Later in the afternoon my parents and I drove to a restaurant that they had been taking me to since I was 6 months old, maybe even younger. Swanky Franks is a little run-down, mobil home of a restaurant that serves the best hot dogs I have ever had. Though, my mind may be biased in the fact that walking in their feels like a second home. It always had. It took us almost 17 years to figure out why we felt so comfortable there, and the answer came, in Lauren. We had known Lauren for years and unexplainably felt immediately as if she was family. We are all very calm and open people and enjoy very simple forms of entertainment as well as just, loving life. One day we were talking about Swanky's and it came up that her Grandparents actually owned the place! Members of her family have been working there for years, most of whom we knew by name from being frequent customers.

What can we learn here? Be open, be nice, be real. I know I have said all of these things before but it is more than true, proving it to me everyday. By being ourselves, and being polite, we learn about people. Even the smallest things like holding a door for someone, or learning the name of the waitress who is always there at your favorite spot. The little things, keep us going. The little things, are what we look forward to when there seems to be nothing worth looking forward for. Does not have to cost anything but a little time, or maybe a hot dog.

My mom and I love going out for day trips together and a few weeks back we headed to the Maritime Aquarium. She bought a membership because it was only a few dollars more than our admission would be together, and it allowed us to get in today (and every other day) no charge. We decided that since we were already in the area, we could stop by and just say hey to the seals, stingrays and meerkats. We walked around for about an hour and for the cost of a few miles in gas, laughed and teased while gathering ideas for our next little production projects. We are always looking forward to taking a new step into something we've never tried, always while holding onto those things that mean the most to us.

Family, friends and a reason to wake up every morning. Keep yourself going!! And look to those you love for a little push every now and then ;)

Work Hard, Play Hard

I have mentioned before that when my brother was a baby, my parents bought a house near the end of Long Island by where my Grandparents lived as an investment for college fund. After 18+ years of enjoying our summers and other great times out there, we are now preparing for the house to be sold.

The living room after painting and setting up for the realtor

This morning my mom and I left at around 6:30 am to take the 2.5 hour drive out there. We arrived at the house and immediately began working. Our family is not one to take things lightly or to sit back and relax. It seems that we are always up, moving around and doing something. Today we calked, painted and set new trim in the bathroom as well as doing a bit of yard work, basic cleaning and air freshening. Every house and family has their own distinct smell to them; it is neither a good thing, nor a bad thing, just a certain smell. This house has always had a VERY strong beach smell and though I love and appreciate it, we thought that a little Febreeze may be a bit more enticing to a buyer coming out of New York City looking for a get-a-way home.

The front of our home

While we let the paint set and dry we drove out to Montauk and had lunch by the shore. I forget sometimes how much I love this place, and these beaches. The smell of the water will always and forever remind me of home as I grew up riding the waves and searching for critters under the three-foot inlet water with a snorkel. Very little has changed with the beaches out here, however, I have to say that the crowd has become somewhat less inviting. Over the past decade, the best of the worst have migrated to the end f the island bringing with them BMW 5 speeds, tiny yapper dogs and the longest sticks that have been forcefully stuck where the sun don't shine. The attitudes scream "I am better than you, and I know it." I used to be able to walk into an ice cream shop in my surfing gear, but now my hometown places have been replaced with Ralph Lauren and Tiffany Jewelry, not to mention the fact that their glares as I walk into those places could burn a hole through my eyes.

Yes. It is time to move on to the next adventure, the next home. I loved my time here and my memories will stay with me for the rest of my life. I am sure that I will talk more about them since they share a great deal of the molding that has made me, me . . . but for now I will simply end with the beginning, a sunset, to become a sunrise in a new place that is yet to be determined.

Sunset at Clearwater Beach, LI

"Its My Right"

I like learning and I love exposure. Experiences are what make a life great. Getting to know new people, new events and new skills. This week for learning? Well, I have already done a lot this weekend, but my dad and I decided a few weeks ago so take a class to get our pistol permits. He grew up in Pennsylvania and had exposure to guns his entire life. The closest I have ever really gotten are arcade games and shooting archery for most of my life.

I have no real desire to carry a gun, or even own one, but I think that it is a good idea to have the knowledge just in case for any reason I was put in a situation where it was necessary to know. I looked forward to learning the basics of cleaning, firing and storing a firearm. Unfortunately, that was not exactly what we found.

Instead we entered a room with a few wanna-be redneck-like individuals who though that the bigger the gun, the bigger their penis must be. I am serious! The egos flying around were insane, and to top it off, most of them had never fired a gun; though they liked to make it seem as though they had. One guy was so unintelligent that he needed the questions and answers read aloud in order for him to pass the test, and of course, he was the loudest on in the group talking about cowboy tactics and all of the people he knew in the police department. He was so loud about wanting to buy a revolver, because it is easier to reload than a magazine. He also didn't hear a great deal of the information (what little they gave us) because he was worried about what he was going to write on the "comments" section of the application.

The instructor told us we could just write "its my right," but apparently this was WAY to much of a concept for him to understand.

It is amazing to me that the instructor just passes everyone who comes in, without even making them pass a valid exam. It is scary to think that these people are actually legally able to walk around with a concealed weapon when I outshot them (a small girl who has never handled a gun before). They each took two rounds, then left. My father and I on the other hand, took over 15 and held a competition between us to improve our shots.

Egos only interrupt one's ability to put aside pride and actually learn something. Let me admit it, I need help, and I need advice. I need someone to show me. . . is that so hard to say? I need help. Thank you.

9 years later . . . I was thirteen years old

I was thirteen years old and my dad worked in Stamford as a Producer. I was sitting in my science class in middle school when the loudspeaker came on. It told us that a plane had run into one of the Twin Towers in New York City.

I didn't know what that meant. Two nights prior I had watched the Sandra Bullock movie "The Net" where a computer malfunction (manipulation) made a plane lose its navigational systems. That is the only reason I could imagine for something like this to have happened? I thought about how lucky I was that my family was all safely at home or working at the time.

It was only a period or so later that the second loudspeaker announcement came on to tell us that a second plane, had struck the second tower. . . I had friends in New York. I had family nearby. Friends, with family who worked there. Moms, Dads, relatives, loved ones. My dad?
I remembered backtracking to the morning; my dad was going into the city that day to work on a production edit only a few blocks from the Trade Center.

I don't even remember raising my hand, but I ended up in the office calling home to my mom, checking in on my dad. My mom was crying but as always starts a bad conversation with "everything's okay. . . but"
But what?!

My dad had gotten service somewhere in a shop and called out to my mom to let her know he was okay, but that the towers, had both fallen. My school had not let us have the televisions on in the classes, so I was the first student in the school to know, they were gone.

My teacher didn't believe me. My classmates, didn't know what to say, we didn't really understand. I know I didn't understand. In many ways, I still do not.

One of the students in my school was not as lucky as I was. Her dad worked in the second tower. The effects of 9/11 hit New York, Stamford, and other towns in the surrounding area like nothing I have ever seen before, and probably (HOPEFULLY) will never see again. Some parts of the country were so removed from the situation until the war began.

But that day, I will never, ever forget. The televisions played the same footage over and over again. I had a lesson that afternoon that my mom insisted I go to because "I needed to keep looking forward." Really, I think that she needed to still drive me to keep her mind off of my dad being stuck on the bridges there. By the time we got home, he was there waiting for us. We were safe, together. We watched as everything from that day on, changed; Both in our city and in our country. But that day, those hours, what I though of most in that period of time, was how thankful I was to have my family and the ones who love me by my side.

Cherish every day with the ones you love, and reach out a hand to those by your side that you may have not known the day before.

Did I really Graduate?

So the morning after the fabulous Goat Trip, I am back in the car again at 8:15 in the morning. I guess 14+ hours the day before wasn't enough :/

Mama and Papa before the game

Either way, we met up with my lil bro Tucker and buddy Natalie just outside of the stadium and eased our way into tailgating by 10 am . . . and when my family does food, they DO FOOD!!! While my mom and I were playing with goats, my dad was apparently busy at the supermarket and in the kitchen making Deviled Eggs and loading up on more food then 5 people could possibly eat.

The way that I see it, food is a social event. We always bring more than necessary because we never know who we are going to run into and I would love to be able to offer them a cold Mikes or a burger. It just so happened that Tuck's new roommates happened to be walking by and they ended up tailgating with us all morning. That's right, I have the "cool" family.

We really do just like to be open and inviting. The more people we are nice to in life, the better we feel. My childhood friend Alex and her boyfriend Sal were also inside the stadium and when we saw each other for the first time in a few months, it was like we'd never been apart. Being kind and open, allows us to meet our friends like that.

Sal, Alex, Me and Nat

Our TRUE friends. The ones that you know you can call at 3 am on a Wed, even i you have moved away and haven't talked to them in months. Alex and I don't hang out on a regular basis, though we'd like to, life interrupts. So we stay in touch and keep open lines so that when those days or nights come, we can begin again right where we left off.

Nat and I threw around the ball for a bit (until I knocked over the Goldfish bag) while mom and dad sat around an overstuffed grill. We stuffed ourselves tot he brim then proceeded to make new "friends" by handing out the leftovers to a nearby tailgate group of seemingly first-timers (couldn't correctly set up beer pong).

Rentschler Field

The game itself was uneventful, and by that I mean we won 62 - 3, but the time we spent walking the stairs, finding the seats, people-watching the drunks and meeting up with old friends is not something I will soon forget. The weather was perfect and the food was fantastic, beat only by the company that I had to share it with. Something as simply as a college football game can bring together family in a way that no movie theater or other semi-social event ever could. We walked the halls of Cabellas for a bit and then decided to end the day by visiting my Grandparents at my Grandma's annual DAR fundraiser.

At the DAR Fundraiser

Now this food, had something to be desired haha. But on the plus side, I love seeing my grandparents. Being close to them since they moved from Long Island to CT seven years ago has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. They are both such interesting people and I have learned so much from them over the years. They are coming up on their 50th Wedding Anniversary and we are already planning the party :) 50 years together and still going, and growing strong. Now THAT my friends, is love.

The Goat

Relax and just take a drive

In my community service fraternity The Goat was something that was both looked forward to and feared, especially by the pledges simply because it was the unknown. 

This trip, was nothing like that. 

I was unexpected and completely original. How many people can say that, on a whim, they loaded up for an overnight stay in Delaware on the way to Virginia to pick up a goat? Probably just us and thats SO much fun! You can not make up this stuff.

We left the house at around 9 pm on Thursday night and drove until we reached Delaware where we stopped for a quick rest at a local hotel there. My mom found a dead cricket on her pillow which,  would usually be seen as gross, however her nickname in college was Cricket so instead, we just found it funny. We giggled each other to sleep like we were gitty little girls having a slumber party! Our entire childhood is comprised of adults telling us to "grow up." Well excuse me! But tonight, I wanna be a Toys R Us Kid! 

Lauren and one of the Does

It is good for us to "grow down" every once and a while. If I can help it I will stay a child for as long as I live. A child has everything in the world to look forward to and no experiences that suggest they will not reach their goals. I want to look to life as if it is something I can look forward to and enjoy as well as having my ability to reach out to make my dreams a reality. Although, there is no shame in having dreams, simply to dream. In fact, it is probably better that my dogs never talk to me because that would definitely freak me out a little bit. 

When we woke up the next morning we shared the sink, washed up, and were on the road by 10 am. I checked in with my outstanding job position and still no word on any final offer. That's ok, I am off to find a goat!

3 CDs, one pit stop and a creepy truck driver later we are in the land of "Endless View" Rd. BEAUTIFUL!!! Living in an area where buildings are more likely to cover a skyview than trees, it is so refreshing to come to open land. The woman who owned the goat farm was very sweet and down to earth. Meeting new people is always a hilight because they have no preconceived notions of who you are, or vice versa. The conversation and interaction is free to be completely real and unjudged simply by both parties extending a hand and being themselves. We all talked and met the other Does before loading 'Starbuck,' a gorgeous 2-year old Buck, into the back of the extended pick-up that Lauren's boss uses for the farm upstate. 

I began work at the Nature Preserve behind my house when I was 10 years old and I swear my heart never left. Looking into that boy's eyes just brought me back to how much I love and miss the farm life. Hard work, dedication and a lot of patience were the lessons of my childhood that continue to push me into the person that I am today. Everything from learning how to do day-to-day chores, to learning the facts of life when we had a stillborn. I owe so much to this place and to my upbringing. 

Take a CHILL PILL

7.5 hours it took us to get home and Starbuck stood the entire way, even though he had a fresh bed of hay and plenty of room to lay down. He is the most chill goat I have ever met, especially for a Buck. After a crazy day of reminiscing, driving and loading, we got our boy safely into his new pen, met a baby peacock on the farm and headed home to SHOWER! haha. I love my animals, but at the end of the day, its a blessing to be able to rinse off. I think I will be helping Lauren out milking the goats at the farm this week for a few mornings. I swear it is my absolute safe-place where reality can come back to me and I stop all of the useless stressing. 

Find that place for yourself. Whether it is playing a card game, reading a book, walking your puppy or going out to a restaurant. . . find what it is that relaxes you and makes you forget about the little petty things that life can add up. As much as you may think it is, the world is NOT on your shoulders and it is completely deserved, even necessary, to take breaks. 

John Lennon said that "life is what happens when you are busy making other plans." How could a Beatle be so wise? 

Today I figured the day was mostly a throwaway day. I slept in and fell into a very short period of insecurity before I decided to make a bit of pesto sauce. The sauce was supposed to be in abundance so I could freeze some of it, use a bit, and bring a little to my friends still at University who are now fending for themselves in their own kitchens. 

About part of the way through my mom walked downstairs and asked if she might be able to use a bit of it for dinner this evening as she was having some friends over. Three loafs of bread, two pounds of pasta and one trip to the market later I have made a three course meal for four women and a few loafs of zucchini bread, my first batch of zucchini bread ever. Now too bad for the first one either if I do say so myself (and they did too haha). 

Lauren holding our baby otter Thea

I truly enjoy cooking but in the end I do not want any food wasted. One of my dreams is to have enough people in my home to have to feed that I can cook all day long and feed them to the brim! I love cooking for people and having them enjoy something that I have prepared specifically for them and the types of things they like. Maybe it is the mother in me, or maybe I just feel good by making other people happy. Either way, having a delicious meal and being able to share it with friends makes me feel better instantaneously. 

To add to the unexpected pick-me-up of the day, my friend Lauren who was here for dinner with my mom is now working at a local goat farm. We used to be on staff together at the Nature Preserve my house is set behind. Tonight, she is leaving to Virginia to pick up a male goat that their farm is purchasing from another breeder. 

HOP IN THE CAR!!!!

One of the babies at the farm

In a few minutes my mom, Lauren and I are heading to Virginia for a whirlwind trip to pick up a Buck! Who knew! Not that I have not had my fair share of animals in my lap in the past but this should be fun!

Unexpected adventures are the best thing in the world. Out of nowhere, all of a sudden a trip, event or just a small gathering of friends happens to brighten up the lives of everyone involved. A smile, a hug, or a trip to VA overnight makes every bit of difference :)

NEVER waste a day. What I thought wasn't worth a second look, turned out to be the most fun.

National Suicide Prevention Week

It is awful to say that in my short 22 years of living, suicide has effected in more ways than I know. I have lost two close childhood friends to suicide in just the last 4 years. Matt and Rae were two of the most passionate and caring people I have ever met and had everything in the world to live for. Matt and I were confirmed together and his mother was my sponsor. Rae and I played softball together for years and I doubt there was ever a person who smiled more than she. She even turned it around and coached little league for the younger players, encouraging them to be all that they could be as both a player and a person.

There are immeasurable reasons why an individual may choose suicide as an option, but there are far more reasons why we can help to show them that LIFE is worth it. Please take the time this week, and every week, to show those people in your life that you love them. Hugs, kisses, handshakes, or a greeting card to an old friend may make all of the difference in their day and ultimately their decisions.

Rae and Katie on another wild ride for our HS Softball Team

I have posted a number of references and resources on suicide prevention on my "What I 'Know.'" Please check them out and be aware of some of the common signs, though every individual is difference. As for this post, I will keep is short and sweet. Love more and show it as often as possible. It is NOT a sign of weakness to tell people how you feel about them. It is NEVER negative to care for someone, offer to help or let them know you are just a phone call away.

Love, Love, Love. Please care for one another. We all need friends and support, no matter how strong, secure or empowered you think you or others are.

For those of you who know me personally, know I am ALWAYS here to talk to or hug. For those of you who only know me from here, I am here for you too. <3

Job Search Over?

So after ten months of revamping resumes, filling out applications and sifting through crazy processes, I found myself going a little bit crazy. I am an extremely fortunate person and can not be more thankful for the incredibly supportive family and group of friends that I have who keep me sane and stable (both mentally and financially). Though I keep small jobs to make ends meet, I have been in search of full-time employment for some time and as I began to think I would need to pick up another part-timer, I get a call from one of the positions I applied for.

It is a wonderful jobs with good benefits and I was ecstatic to get the call!!! I had also interview for a state position very close to home but had not heard back of yet so I decided to give them a call. Turns out, they were looking for me to come in for a second interview and now that I have an offer elsewhere, they asked me to come in right away. Why is it that people do not think to move things along until it is so close to too late I am running into the "Turn Only" sign?

After nearly a year I had no responses, and now, I am trying to decide if I should wait to see if this opportunity pans out, or if I should move about 400 miles away for the bird-in-hand. Crossroads are silly in that way aren't they? Things we never really sit down and think about until we are forced to. What are my priorities and what is going to both make me happy, and help me in my career.

I'm still trying to figure out if I should wait for a final answer from the second position, because for me, it is the more desired choice and closer to home. However, I can not risk losing both and being back to square one. Sometimes in life, we need to take what we have right away, and other times, waiting just might pay off.

REAL People

So a few weeks ago my brother and I decided that it would be a good idea to put the top on my Jeep Wrangler down from the inside instead of getting out of the car. The already worn edges on my '97 top could not take this alteration and finished their impending tear from end to end. Given my work schedule and a few other things (mainly procrastination) I was unable to get it fixed until now.

I sometimes put off things that I know are going to be painful, mostly financially painful and annoying. I dislike going to car dealerships like I dislike shoe shopping, and for a fix like this I was not even sure where to start. My dad suggested that I might call a local sailing shop to see if they would repair the vinyl on my top as they would a sail. I decided to take his advice and called three different shops along the local coast until one  was finally able to give me another suggestion. Here was my first REAL person. The woman at Hatheay, Reiser and Raymond told me that because the material was not one they normally deal with, that they were unable to help me. However, she did say that she knew a local place in Greenwich that did interior car repairs. She was very kind and extremely helpful in her suggestions and I highly recommend them.

Leaving the world of sailing, I was back on the road of auto repair and called Bells Auto Interior. I called over and asked if they thought they could help. The man on the other end of the phone was not only helpful and knowledgeable, but extremely polite and insisted that I come over whenever it was convenient for me. Fifteen minutes later I pulled in and met one of the most down-to-earth people I have ever encountered in Greenwich. I helped him to remove the material from the roof of the car and while he stitched the edging I took the opportunity to clean out the backseat.

We talked about our love of Wranglers and old Americana while we reattached the roofing and I lost the race with my little hand-held screwdriver against his power tools. I often feel that people have lost touch with the art of a daily conversation and genuineness. He was extremely polite and I to him and in return we were able to make something that could be see to me as painful, downright enjoyable.

Don't ever think that you are better or worse than someone else because of "social status" or a relationship such as boss and staff. We are all equally human beings and should be treated as such. The more realistic we are with each other, the more we will get out of life. Being uptight, snobby or rude will get you nowhere in life that you want to be.

Be kind, be polite, be REAL!

Change of Pace

4 months ago my days literally began around 6 am and ended after midnight. I would begin by heading to the Student Union for work as an Audio/Visual Technician. Leave there to head out to my 8 am classes in Communication Disorders and be back to the Union around noon for another work shift. From there, back across campus to tutor and TA a class in American Sign Language (ASL) where I would get a chance to maybe eat a sandwich. Two hours of "silence" later I would be in the Women's Center helping students with everything from crisis situations to giving directions around the 4th Floor. Finishing the day by leading a workshop on diversity issues and how to integrate smart, health lifestyle choices left my mind wandering as I attempted to write an English paper on how Fredrick Douglas the Civil Rights Movement. As I walk into my apartment building I have a few stops on the way to my door as I check in with my residents, ask two rooms to turn down the base and hang flyers for the week's coming events. The RA has finally made it home. Thank goodness for the crazy late-night roommates who have made me a batch of brownies and are now watching reruns of 30 Rock off of Netflix.

This, was a common day.

Today, I am sitting in my bedroom filling out another dozen or so applications for job openings as I wonder if any of the hundreds I have sent out since October ever found their way to an actual human being's hands before being thrown out, electronically of course.

While I was at school I was so involved and saw numerous people everyday who either needed me, needed help in some way, or just wanted a good conversation. In the case of working in ASL, some students did not even need to speak, we simply used our hands .I am so used to playing the multiple roles throughout even a single day that the thought of a full-time, 9-5 job has got me eating butterflies. So maybe, that isn't for me? Maybe, what I am looking for, is a little bit outside of the "normal" socially defined work-week.

The economy is shifting in all new directions and opening up new markets, jobs and opportunities that are going to force us to see things with a fresh eyes. It seems scary now, because it is unknown. But do a little research, find what you are passionate about, and begin to think outside of the box you already know has nowhere to go.

Trust your crazy roommates, friends, parents; anyone in your life you are close to. Talk things out with them and rely on them for support. I would not have made it through a single week without my roommates and their brownies.

Fear of Water?

Sometimes new starts are hard. They may mean that we are leaving behind something else, or simply heading into uncharted waters. I have been Kayaking and swimming since I was old enough to walk, creating new paths and exploring new areas of Long Island sound without fear. Why then, all of a sudden, is their fear?

Photo I took at our local beach in Long Island

 The ocean beaches are only a few miles from our home and for some reason I always thought that it was a good idea to venture into the water on the windiest and harshest days. I love the water and every chance I got I would take a boogie board or just my body and thrust myself full force into the power of the waves. I became an expert at getting my mother's heart to stop dead as I pulled myself  under the water to survive the next wave crashing down on me. While I was a strong swimmer, an undertow or current would have the strength to take me out without Mother Nature even trying, but still, I had no fear.

This weekend however, I stood by the side of the water and realize that childhood determination and fearlessness, was gone. I now KNOW the power of those waves. I understand the consequences that one wrong stroke can produce, and I am scared. I stand there, scared. While I know the consequences, I am also more aware of ways to survive the undertow, am a far stronger swimmer, and am trained as a Lifeguard to surface at the right moments. But I am still scared. Why is it that when we realize the strength of the oppositions we face, somehow our ability to overcome takes three strokes and a dive backwards?

We Can't Edit Life - So Don't Try

Here I am, starting my first ever blog. I am not sure what type of advice I can give, or what my experiences can do to help others, but I am certainly hoping to learn from anyone who reads this more about their lives, experiences, challenges and successes! I have been a post-production editor, swim instructor, American Sign Language teaching assistant and so many other jobs throughout my life that I can not begin to count them. I know what I have done, what I have seen and what I have learned. What I don't know, is, sorry to state the obvious, but what I have NOT done.

That is what I am here for :) Help me out, and hopefully you can learn a little from me too. 

So why this title? I was born into a family of very creative people. My mom is a writer and my dad works as a Producer. Even my little brother animates using stop motion and his own design sketches. Throughout my life I have created so many personalized products and works that to me, it is my safe place. I am in control of something and have the power to effect the outcome of the project. It is what I do not account for where wrenches start to get thrown in. 

When I was 14 years old I was editing a documentary on the life and philanthropy of Andrew Carnegie. I began the project looking at it in a black and white format, both literally and figuratively. I assumed that a man who donated millions of dollars at the end of his life was an honest and good man throughout his working life. What I did not expect was to learn about the turmoil and troubles that all of his workers faced in the steel industry as he earned his millions. In the end, he realized that the money he has accumulated should be rightfully returned to society through the creation of music halls, libraries and other public services. How could so much good come from something that was at one time, even inhumane? I jumped through so many of these questions in my young mind and to this day, sometimes have a hard time figuring it out. What I did feel that I had control of, was the way that I told the story. My partner and I worked together to create a script, insert factual information and gather all of the media that I would use to form the final film. 

Andrew Carnegie 

The night before the final print I decided to add in one last clip. The entire system that I was working on crashed and we lost nearly everything. It took our entire family teams to piece together the pictures, music and interviews that had taken us nearly a year to finalize. After an all-night session, about 30 cups of coffee consumed by the adults and a dozen candy bars for us, the film was back to where we had it 12 hours earlier. I thought that I had so much control, and in less than an instant, I lost everything. But in the scheme of things, what did I lose? Nothing. I can not edit and control everything in my life, as much as I may try to sometimes

Grandma and Grandpa loving life

I have my family, my friends, my loved ones and a passion to live. Working is second to living. Working is living, and living is often hard work. While that may not make sense, It is exactly the answer that I am going to start with in order to begin a new set of questions. 

My family at my Grandfather's 81st birthday, which happens to be the Fourth of July!!!!

Smile. Life is worth it