To be appreciated

Next week I am moving out of my house and into a new apartment as Residence Hall Director. The transition is going to be strange I am sure, but it helps to have a great deal of certainty surrounding me. There are, of course, many things about my new life and job that I am uncertain about, but that is to say about every change/transition in one's life.

What I am certain about however, is encompassed more in my personal life. The people who surround and love me keep me motivated not only to keep going, but to become even better than I am. They push me to strive for the ultimate in whatever I do, even though I may be interested in so many different things at the same time. It is because of their love and support that I am as self-confident as I am today.

I did not start out this way and in fact, was bullied and teased a lot in school growing up. Sure, I am still teased and joked with now, but there is a difference in the way the words or actions hit me now. My middle school years were absolutely terrible and I have come to learn a little more about why. Some of the teasing or words have changed since them, but the main difference is that I no longer believe the words that peoples say. In middle school, I took every insult and every push to mean that I was less of a person than my bullies, and that I should just be sure to stay out of their way. To keep to myself.

Since that time, I have not grown up to be the bully myself, but rather, grown up beyond the bullies. I see now how insecure they must be, to take aim at someone who can not, or does not defend themselves. When they see someone who takes their words personally, they return to this person again and again.

Today, I am standing not only on my own two feet, but standing up for those who cant or wont stand up for themselves. I owe this ability to my family, and my amazing friends that have taught me to love who I am and be proud of myself. I am not a supermodel and I am no genius, but I work hard and like being around people who don't give a damn what the media says we "should be."

Last night I made apple crisp and went over to a friend's house for no reason but to be together (and they wanted to watch Grey's). Nights like these have insurmountable meaning for people, even if you may think you are sitting next to the most self secure person in the world. If there is one thing that you do today, let it be that you let someone important in your life know what they mean to you. You don't have to go all sappy on me, but just tell them thank you or tell them a secret. Because when you reach out to them they feel that trust and care, giving them a feeling of being appreciated.

Everyone needs to be loved. Everyone should feel that they are apart of something, that they are needed.

Lt Dan Choi

Tonight I attended a lecture at the University of Connecticut hosed by the cultural centers and a number of organizations on campus. It was amazing to see the collaboration that was involved in bringing Lt Dan Choi to UCONN to speak on the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy from the point of view of a decorated and loyal soldier in the US Army. He has since been honorably discharged from service for the soul reason of being gay under the DADT policy.

Tonight he brought up a lot of great points that help for us to call to question why we seem to think that anyone, no matter their race, creed, color or orientation, is any better or worse than anyone else. Yesterday's historic decision from a California judge to immediately cease implementing the DADT policy may be one step in the right direction, but with continued support and guidance, the representatives of our country must have their ears and eyes directed to the heart of this movement.

And this IS a movement! A civil rights movement! Don't let anyone tell you differently. Lt Choi referenced  numerous accounts from throughout history where the people of a group and their allies stood together in unity. He said that no revolution has ever caused change to go backwards, but that there have certainly been failed revolutions. This movement, this revolution, can not fail. This movement transcends every other movement and involved every other group in this country, intersecting all of us.

Love.  He lightened up the mood by talking about how he had never been in a relationship as a yunger man, even after knowing he was gay and serving in the Army for a number of years. The crowd laughed as he joked, "28 years, I thought all of this love stuff, that's for you straight people." " I didn't understand what it meant. I just studied harder. Worked harder . . . then I fell in love." He went on to quote numerous pop songs to show he understood love including the Beyonce, the Beatles "All you need is love" and Lady Gaga's poker face (admittedly not really understanding Gaga all that well but still liking her)

His light mood, but serious passion involved and engaged everyone in the room in a way that could not only be seen, but felt. Most notably this feeling was there in unity when he spoke of the recent suicides due to bullying and harassment. But through the tragedies and the pain, there has been triumph in recent days. We will continue to stand beside Lt Choi and see the final repeal of DADT, but will in no way stop there. Every citizen in this country should be free to express themselves as whoever they are, no matter what. They should NOT be discriminated against for it, and should have the support, and love, of their neighbors, friends, colleagues and family.

Mostly, we should have the support of ourselves. We should not be afraid to be who we are for fear of ridicule or rejection. Support yourself. Love yourself. And please show the same support, love and respect to everyone you know.

Tonight, my amazing mother came with me and sat by my side, my dad asked for details when we return (he had to work) my brother joined us in-between his class and work, and my grandparents invited my girlfriend to their 50th Wedding Anniversary. I am thankful every single day for the incredibly supportive and loving family that I am blessed with!

DADT

I am going to let national newspapers and campaigns speak for themselves on this one:

"A federal judge in Los Angeles Tuesday ordered the U.S. military to stop enforcing its "don't ask, don't tell" policy against gay service members.

U.S. District Judge Virginia Phillips ordered the military "immediately to suspend and discontinue any investigation, or discharge, separation, or other proceeding, that may have been commenced under the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' (policy)," CNN reported"

Great news!!! One problem, it can be appealed. 


Courage Campaign: Attorney General Eric Holder and the Justice Departmenthave a choice: fight the decision or let it stand. If they choose not to appeal the injunction, it will move "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" one step closer to the dustbin of history.

This is urgent. You can tell Attorney General Eric Holder not to defend "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" right now. Click here to sign your name to an open letter asking the Justice Department NOT to appeal the injunction and the historic federal court decision that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is unconstitutional:

http://www.couragecampaign.org/DontDefendDADT

Please take a few moments of your time to click the link and sign your name. This is a monumental trial and we need the support of the entire nation to move civil rights into the next step. 

"Servicemembers United, the nation's largest organization of gay and lesbian troops, hailed the injunction, The Miami Herald reported.

"This order from Judge Phillips is another historic and courageous step in the right direction, a step that Congress has been noticeably slow in taking," said Alexander Nicholson, executive director of Servicemembers United, which was a joint plaintiff in the suit along with the Log Cabin Republicans. "While this is certainly news to be celebrated, we would also advise caution in advance of a potential stay (from the federal appeals court)."'

Anticipation

Everyday is nothing short of a miracle and we must enjoy it. The suicides of the past few weeks have not only reminded me of this, but reminded me how important it is to remind even our closest friends how much they mean to us, even if we think they already know. It also has me remembering the friends that I have lost in the past to suicide, reminding me of the life they had as well as the life they never got to see through. Every person in our life means something to us, even if they are total strangers.

My parents and I stopped by Kohls last night to pick up a new vacuum cleaner on sale. On the way into the store I saw an older woman who was having trouble walking up the ramp. I offered her a hand and an Old Navy shopping cart from the store next door. After informing me that she was going into Kohls and not Old Navy, she decided she'd take the cart anyway. She was a very interesting person to talk to and while it may have only been a few moments of conversation to me, I could tell that it lit up her day to have someone to genuinely chat with. We both left the store at different times and went on with our lives. But for me, I will always remember the woman who said she was scheduled to have lunch with Marilyn Monroe the day that she died.


After leaving Kohls I headed north to Wallingford Connecticut where I met up with a group of friends including Nat, Kate and Tucker. Dayna, my roommate from last year and now Kate's roommate, also came with her friend Jess. Nat brought Alice and Cori, a friend from Danbury, drove in on her own. The eight of us frightfully waited for three and a half hours on line for the Trail of Terror haunted trail. The true terror? . . . waiting 3.5 hours for a haunt haha

Part of the curvy almost 4 hour line to get tickets

I have to say though, the time spent with my friends in line was more fun than the event that we came to see. Between Cori being scared out of her mind by a high-pitched cuddly voice turned lunging deep-toned monster and the array of interesting people to watch, we kept ourselves thoroughly entertained. The hilight of the evening was, me. No, I am not vain. I thought the bring a backpack full of goodies was a good idea to keep people happy on a long line. Turned out not only was it a good idea, but it became the entertainment of the night.

The famous hot cocoa bag . . .
which often doubles for hikes

"Grandma" outfit

We started in line with a police officer asking us what was in the glasses we were drinking. I had packed three thermoses of hot chocolate and started to spread the love early in the evening. He laughed and also asked me to open my backpack to check the contents. The first item to fall out? A bag of marshmallows. He almost could not contain himself with laughter and after getting out the words, "great, a bag of innocence, " he continued on down the line of perspective hoodlums. This, and my 'grandma outfit' consisting of a turtleneck, scarf and mom-pants, became the running joke of the evening. This poor officer ran into us six more times and every time was offered tempting hot cocoa with marshmallows.

Cori needed to have her Brisk and I needed some sustenance 

The haunt came and went, and the end of the night concluded with Cori, Nat and I sitting on the back of Cori's tailgate watching the others down Taco Bell at around midnight before we all head home. Everyone happy, everyone fed, and life continues to be worth every single second of it. Even standing in the cold for hours, the company makes it all worth it.

IT GETS BETTER!!!!

A few weeks ago I attended the University of Connecticut's homecoming Lipsync celebration. The last act to go on was that of the Rainbow Center, a cultural center on campus meant for LGBTQ and Allys to be safe, happy and express who they are without fear of hatred or bigotry. The RC won the Lipsync competition for the cultural centers category and there was not a single "booo" or hateful word said in response to the announcement. In stead, in a room filled with "competitors" there cheers of appreciation and admiration. In a very competitive arena, (Gampel Pavillion - UCONN basketballs home court to be exact) every group cheered each other on and looked forward to seeing the performances that had been created. Why does the world not work like this ?

I ask this, because a few days after this event I was in Staples with my mom when I got a call from my partner. She sounded upset and when I asked what was wrong, she responded with "didn't you hear?" I had been out of the house for most of the morning and had not heard the recent news. Her mom had told her about a boy at Rutgers University who was tormented by a video post that his roommate had secretly posted online of him and another male in their dorm room. The allogations and postings of him being gay were enough for him to jump off of the George Washington Bridge leaving behind only a facebook status post.



How cruel and intolerant can a person be?! I began to tear in the store and purposely did not tell my mom. She found out later that day and began to cry. She loves me, no matter what. I can not imagine the pain and suffering that his family is enduring in this national news story of their son's torment and suicide.


Respect. We do not have to date each other. We do not even have to like each other. But if these students who posted that video had simply respected the space of their roommate/aquaintance, TYler would still be alive. Thousands of children, teens and adults, would still be alive. This is not a single, isolated incident, nor is it isolated to LGBTQ youth. Bullying and teasing should never be tolerated, for any reason. A child who has a disability, who is gay, or who is from another country, is still a child, just as we all are. To your parents, you will always be their baby. And now, another baby is lost for no reason at all. 


The past few weeks have been filled with hateful messages, and tragic stories of young LGBTQ people ending their own lives. You MUST know that there are people out there who LOVE LOVE LOVE you!!!! The Trevor Project and It Gets Better Project have been created in a time that we should no longer need to tell people that their lives are worth it, and that they are PERFECT just the way they are. . . but we do need these places to go. We do need reassurance sometimes that there are people who care, because sometimes yes, this world is cruel. But we can learn to take the ignorance, and turn it into education. We can take the hate, and turn it into love. People need to open their hearts, and their minds to understand someone who is gay is NO different than someone who is straight, tall, white, black, hispanic, Christian, Jewish or any other classifying trait.  


Show those that you love, how much you care. Be there for them and support them. Being an Ally is not a weakness, but takes incredible self strength and security to stand up for another person. But if everyone in this country stood up for what they believed in, we would no longer need postings like this. 


The Trevor Project Hotline
866 488 7386

Open Options

This past week I accepted a job at Eastern Connecticut State University. I will be moving up there in the coming weeks and starting work on October 22nd.

It seems funny timing that Apple Computers has suddenly noticed that I had sent in an application. A few days ago I received an email from an Apple recruiter that there are creative and "Genius" positions available in the Stamford/Greenwich area. This would have been perfect! . .. 3 weeks ago. Even though the positions are only opening now, and I am moving to my dream job, I started to wonder what it would be like to work for the company that I have worshipped since I was old enough to know what Mac, or Macintosh, was. Newly revamped and preferably called "Apple," I decided to go on the group interview anyways. There is no hard in interviewing, meeting people, and practicing interview skills. Each interview will be very different throughout my life so I might as well take the chance to practice!

I also thought that it would not be a bad idea to have a part-time position for summers (when I am not working with my summer camp), holidays or weekends. I enjoy working and I LOVE Apple products. As a video editor I would not have learned and loved post-production as I do without them. I have always owned a Mac/Apple and always will. The interview itself was fun and its funny to see myself in 'professional attire,' knowing that this will be my day-to-day dress in less than a month. The college student in me is still alive and well as I enter the business/work world. But I am still open and more than willing to learn everything and anything I can!

"Real world" . . . here I come!

This morning my learning process started with the continuing, and COMPLETION of my first 'Tee Shirt Quilt" :)

I asked my mom for assistance as we turned the fabric over and I added the final stitches to a week long project of memories.

The top left corner and bottom right corner feature shirts from my graduating years at both The University of Connecticut and Westhill High School. All of the shirts in between mesh the eight years since I entered as a HS Frosh, right up to the day I graduated college.

It is scary, and refreshing to see home much I have grown and changed in those now seemingly short years. It also allows me to look forward to the next eight years with the same enthusiasm I had in my first days of these two worlds!

Cleaning Out, Moving On

Over the last few weeks my mom, aunt and I have been going through all of out old things in preparation to move them out of the house. Most of my clothing and furniture has gone out to local charities or Goodwill so someone else may actually use what I probably haven't worn in years. It is amazing how things pile up, and the more often we get new things, the more of our older things go unnoticed under piles and piles. It doesn't take long to accumulate and I am sure if you take a second look in your closet you will notice an over abundance of things that don't even fit anymore.

Many of these items were clothing from my past that had memories connected to them. Some were old jersey's from winning (or not-so-winning) years while others were tee shirts that we bought on vacation when I was 10 years old. While they were not so practical anymore to me, they did bring back the times that I had spent with my family on the edge of the Grand Canyon or hiking in New Hampshire. Many of these clothes went into the donation bag with a smile as I remembered the good times, and they would bring new memories or warmth to their new owners. However, there were also a number of shirts, mainly college and HS shirts that did not seem as though they would be of any real interest to other since they were more personalized. The shirts, have found a new purpose in that they will be keeping me warm at night or on the couch in my new home.

I have decided to cut the fronts of a number of my old cotton tees and create a quilt. I actually got the idea from a college friend who created this type of blanket as a birthday present for my partner. Thanks to Jess I now have a way to productively fill a few hours a night when I can't sleep or the early morning hours before starting research. This coming along well and this afternoon we headed out to get fabric for the backing and edging. I'll be sure to post pics once it is more, complete.

While these tees will continue to give me remembrances as a blankey, many of the things that we pulled over the past weeks have not been items of clothing, but crazy collectables. These such products are headed to the Consignment shop in Wilton CT. The Turn Over Shop was founded over 60 years a go to benefit educational and health care programs in the city. Today we brought in a number of items that had both memories, and surprisingly little sentimental value. I thought that when I started to go through the basement that I would find a lot of things that would be hard to part with, and for some part that was true. However, I was also surprised to find many items that I did not even remember we had. I am sure that some of them probably came from avid tag-sale times when we would buy with the intent to resell, and never did.

Take a little time and work your way through the house, apartment, or even your parent's home. Rethink some of the items you have been holding onto for a "rainy day" and ask if you will ever actually use it, because there are people out there who will. You may make it a donation and help someone who needs it, or it may be a consignment where there's no harm in making a little money as well.

Passion knows no limits

I grew up on a wildlife preserve, on the water, and behind an editing computer. These are three very different places, and yet each of them holds a special place in my heart. Today I joined Natalie for a third trip to the Norwalk Maritime Aquarium this year. I love teaching so it was fun for me to walk around with her and give little silly facts about the animals or research that may not have been posted on the signs.

The lovely little Meerkats were at it again, rough housing and pushing each other around in and out of the food bowl. There was one however, who seems to be a little different than the rest. I almost always find him sitting atop one of the logs with a seemingly pondering look on his face. Today he was looking straight up at the ceiling and just staring. It was adorable!

We moved on to the stingray touch-tank where I love watching the expressions of new-comers when the rays first glide on their fingertips. The feeling is softer and smoother than one thinks they would be and the recipient of the touch always gains a big smile :)

A few minutes later, I was the one with a confused look on my face as I could not find the source of a high-pitched sound near one of the frog tanks.

I will always love this place and everything that they do. Their conservation efforts help to keep the Long Island Sound beautiful and maintain the safety of all of its living creatures. I can not express to you how much the LIS means to me and I will continue to support and participate in all that I can to allow for its survival. We need to work on realizing what we do everyday, and how it effects the areas around us. Humans can be very selfish and worse, apathetic when it comes to our surrounding environments.

Please visit these sites to read more on what is happening, what is being done, and what YOU can do. You would be amazed at the little things that can help contribute to the problems, and the even smaller things we can do to help make it better.

http://www.maritimeaquarium.org/lis_conservation.html
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces

Distractions

I began this blog hoping to post every day or every other day. But sometimes we get to the end of a day and realize we are just plain lazy. 

You know what? That's okay. We have responsibilities of course and those do need to get done in an effective and timely matter to lessen our stress levels. However, how nice is it to just be able to sit back or lay down, maybe with the person you love, and just do nothing. 

For the last few months I have been stressing myself out over finding a full-time position, a "real-life" job where I can breath easier knowing I have some sort of financial security (and I can stop eating away my savings / mooching off of others). On Thursday afternoon I was visiting UCONN Health Education to say hello to some friends and my advisor and join in the Homecoming celebrations. Of course, that one hour that I had my phone off for a meeting was the hour that Eastern Connecticut State University called me to give their final word on whether or not I had gotten the position I have been interviewing for since August. 

While the timing could not have been more on par, that is how life works doesnt it? I would just have to wait until the morning to find out because my contact at ECSU had already gone home for the evening. Life is often a waiting game, but who is to say that all we have to do while waiting, is wait?! We don't :) and don't ever let someone tell you otherwise. While we wait, we can DO! 

New at Storrs, CT

That night I joined my advisor for dinner at a new restaurant and watched the infamous UCONN Homecoming Lipsync performances. I sat with friends from my years at school as well as a few new folks who had joined in the months that I have been gone. People come in and out, but the same feeling of acceptance and friendship were there. We laughed and acted like fools dancing to the songs and singing even when we didn't know the words. I stayed a few minutes after the performance to congratulate my friends at the Rainbow Center on winning for the Cultural Center category. 

The morning came. I woke up laying next to my partner knowing that no matter what happened when I called Eastern, I was still so lucky. Having an incredible family, group of friends, and someone who loves me means that no matter what happens, I am the luckiest person on earth. She was still half asleep when I went into the living room to make the call. I came back, smiling. I got the job! She knew by my face when I got back and the first thing that she said, as she was smiling too, was "call your mother."

The following day I met up with my younger brother, who now goes to UCONN too, and we headed down a few towns to visit with my Grandparents. Ever since they moved to Connecticut we have taken a lot of time to be with them. They are two of the most genuine people you will ever meet, and often very honest haha. Grandma likes her curses and Grandpa likes to roll his eyes, and I love them both very much. Hopefully in the weeks to come I will get to go fishing once or twice more with him before the season ends. 

Saturday began how most homecoming weekends do, with the guys above us screaming "we are going to get wasted!" Not usually my preferred wake-up, but it happens haha. My brother and I carpooled down to Rentchler Field where we met up with our longtime friend Laura and my mom, who had just gotten lost going the wrong direction on the Merritt while they were chit chatting. Oh distractions! We took a nice long opportunity to laugh at that while enjoying homemade pulled pork and cheeseburgers with Mimosas, at 9:30 am. Hey, we like to tailgate and the game started at noon so it doesn't give us too much time to prepare. None of us are big drinkers, but we really enjoy the company and the atmosphere of the fall football season. We watched UCONN play to a 40 - 21 win against Vanderbilt. (A team whose name came up a lot as the "villain" in Thursday night's Lipsync performance)

After a disgruntled police officer sent us the wrong way on the exit attempt, creating an hour line to get out of the stadium, Tucker and I headed back to UCONN and a quick shower before dinner. Kate and Tucker decided to use my recent job acquisition as an excuse to go out for a celebratory dinner at the Willimantic Brewing Company. Its one of my favorite places downtown, and once I move up to Eastern it will be within walking distance. We had a great time and, although it is a brewery, had Coke and  Birch Beer to accompany our delicious meals. We dropped Tuck off at his dorm and headed back to the apartment where Kate's roommate (my roommate last year) Dayna, asked if we wanted to go out. . . Long story short, two hours later the three of us and two other friends, Nat and Alice, headed out for a 1.5 hour drive to a RI club. We got back around 3 am and were asleep before our heads hit the pillow.

By Sunday morning I was exhausted from having fun, and that is the way it should be! We didn't spend too much, and enjoyed every second of our events, both planned and spontaneous. We didn't get out of bed until almost 11 and even after that, we laid back down at 1 to watch the Jets game. For 2 full hours we did nothing but rest and hold each other. Now how often does that happen the average life? How often do we slow down and just be with the person we love, or the people we care about the most. Both of us, have very hectic lives (mine has been slower this fall while job searching but I imagine the pace quickening again very soon) and often forget to actually relax. Mornings like this are irreplaceable and priceless, as much as Mastercard would like to say otherwise. 

As the leaves fall

Fall is my absolute FAVORITE time of the year!

I have never been to the Big E before but I this year, I finally made it there! Kate and I left bright and early to head up to the fairgrounds, parking in a lot just outside that supported a local HS Girls team. The goal of the day . . . FOOD! and we definitely hit that. However, the first even of the day was to challenge the US military. The Marines had a booth set up with a pull-up bar to see how long one could hold themselves up. Certain times, meant certain prizes. Kate won a hat (but took a lanyard) with 48 seconds, and I got a shirt with 61 seconds. The Marines looked surprised that we could hold ourselves up that long.

From there we walked over to a "BMX Show" which contained a few small jumps and older guys looking to keep their youth spirits up rolling around. It was still fun to watch though. It just so happened, that the Big E has an "Avenue of States" which is basically a house that is built for each of the New England Sates that features products, art and other points from each. As we walked we could taste New Hampshire jam, Maine lobster or Rhode Island Salt Water Taffy. This was probably my favorite part of the event.

The entertainment of the day however, came from Kate's determination to get me into the Circus event, knowing full well that I am terrified of clowns. After waiting in line for 20 minutes only to have them tell us that the circus was filled to capacity, she pulled me along to a back entrance where we out ran a security rent-a-cop and filled into the crowd of more legal attendees. While we laughed, she covered my eyes during the clown points, and allowed me to see things more my style as white tigers, magicians and pups entered the stage. We walked around for a few more hours, buying her a new piercing and me a bag o kettle corn. Just as I mentioned that it was strange we hadn't run into anyone we knew, I was tackled from behind by Kristin and Nicole, two of our friends from school.

We left the Big E stuffed.

The following weekend, we kept the Fall Dreams alive. Saturday morning my mom, dad and I got up early to again hit the field of Rentchler for UCONN vs. Buffalo. The boys came down from UCONN and we all ate to the brim Cheeseburgers, sausages and more deviled eggs than an human should consume! Alex and Sal joined us in the stands again, as did Alex's mom, dad and little sister, Anna, who will most likely be joining the UCONN crew next year as a freshman. Go UCONN!!

One of the few photos since we all forgot cameras. Yay for iphones!
Kate, Me and Alice

Natalie, Kate and Alice, new to the crew, picked me up from the Rent and we all headed down to Durham for the fair that started it all for me. When I was in high school I was involved in the Agricultural Science program at Westhill High School. One of our field trips that year was to the Durham fair so see the farm life, and or course, to fair-it-up! Since then, I had loved fairs and made it to Durham most years. Kate met up with her friend Megan at a point and we all wandered around getting corn on the cob, birch beer and jumbo fries. After this season, I am going to need some major working out :) Totally worth it. The next day the three of us again teamed up for apple picking in Ashford CT. Since we picked more apples than we needed, I was able to bring a few home to my parents for their enjoyment as well.

The leaves continue to fall, and I am going to continue to watch!