Coming Back and Saying Goodbye

Its has been a while since my last post. To fill you in, I am working full time, have learned that I know nothing, and look forward to adding to that knowledge.

In the first few months at this position I have faced everything from counseling-type interactions, which I am used to from my past positions, all the way to breaking up physical altercations (verbally attempting to at least) and hearing judicial cases where I have to punish someone. I really don't like punishing people, but hey, sometimes it is in the job description.

I am still called "mom," only now, I have 375+ children, a "husband" (my co RHD) and a number of crazy relatives who all have their different points of view. Hearing them all out makes me know that I am not as nuts as I once though to get into a position of such, well, variety. It is nice to know that I am not the only one.

That, is as far as I will be going with that. I am sure that from this point on I will write occasionally about my job, but as I see it, and quoting "Julie & Julia" . . .


the whole idea of writing a blog is to get away from what I do all day.


What I will write about I can not say exactly, probably something about the outdoors, or maybe my furry friends. And with that, the true reason behind why I chose today, or all days, to come back.


His name is Max. At 11:30 this morning I pet his head and whispered into his ear that I loved him.
At 9:50 pm tonight, my parents called me to tell me that he had passed away.

Max and Gracie sharing a bed

I went home this weekend to visit, catch up and enjoy the long weekend after being sick most of last week. The seizures began on Sunday morning and lasted thru the night. Up until a few weeks ago he as a prancing 8-year old, puppy-like giant who loved more than anything to try keeping up with his sister pup. Gracie stood by his side thru every seizure, as she has ever since Max came to live with us 5 years ago.

Last photo I took of my boy Max

A Mastiff mix, we nearly passed him by as we walked thru the aisles of the local dog pound. My dad first noticed him as the shy boy in the corner stall. He was large, and to the one who wished to harm his family, would certainly be one to scare. But to those of us who loved him every day since we first brought him home, he was nothing but caring, soft spoken and sweet.

The neighborhood protector, and local goof, Max looked after the family while repeatedly gathering a laugh with his only trick; 'Paw.' While Gracie could fetch the morning paper, carry messages throughout the house to family members in her collar, and play dead with a hand motion, Max with content with his routine of sleep, eat and be merry.

And he certainly was. Right down to the last time I saw him, his eyes showed how much he cared for us, and he knew how we loved him too. For anyone who ever tells you that animals do not feel, look into a dogs eyes. Unconditional love and devotion that can not be matched. I love you Max.

To be appreciated

Next week I am moving out of my house and into a new apartment as Residence Hall Director. The transition is going to be strange I am sure, but it helps to have a great deal of certainty surrounding me. There are, of course, many things about my new life and job that I am uncertain about, but that is to say about every change/transition in one's life.

What I am certain about however, is encompassed more in my personal life. The people who surround and love me keep me motivated not only to keep going, but to become even better than I am. They push me to strive for the ultimate in whatever I do, even though I may be interested in so many different things at the same time. It is because of their love and support that I am as self-confident as I am today.

I did not start out this way and in fact, was bullied and teased a lot in school growing up. Sure, I am still teased and joked with now, but there is a difference in the way the words or actions hit me now. My middle school years were absolutely terrible and I have come to learn a little more about why. Some of the teasing or words have changed since them, but the main difference is that I no longer believe the words that peoples say. In middle school, I took every insult and every push to mean that I was less of a person than my bullies, and that I should just be sure to stay out of their way. To keep to myself.

Since that time, I have not grown up to be the bully myself, but rather, grown up beyond the bullies. I see now how insecure they must be, to take aim at someone who can not, or does not defend themselves. When they see someone who takes their words personally, they return to this person again and again.

Today, I am standing not only on my own two feet, but standing up for those who cant or wont stand up for themselves. I owe this ability to my family, and my amazing friends that have taught me to love who I am and be proud of myself. I am not a supermodel and I am no genius, but I work hard and like being around people who don't give a damn what the media says we "should be."

Last night I made apple crisp and went over to a friend's house for no reason but to be together (and they wanted to watch Grey's). Nights like these have insurmountable meaning for people, even if you may think you are sitting next to the most self secure person in the world. If there is one thing that you do today, let it be that you let someone important in your life know what they mean to you. You don't have to go all sappy on me, but just tell them thank you or tell them a secret. Because when you reach out to them they feel that trust and care, giving them a feeling of being appreciated.

Everyone needs to be loved. Everyone should feel that they are apart of something, that they are needed.

Lt Dan Choi

Tonight I attended a lecture at the University of Connecticut hosed by the cultural centers and a number of organizations on campus. It was amazing to see the collaboration that was involved in bringing Lt Dan Choi to UCONN to speak on the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy from the point of view of a decorated and loyal soldier in the US Army. He has since been honorably discharged from service for the soul reason of being gay under the DADT policy.

Tonight he brought up a lot of great points that help for us to call to question why we seem to think that anyone, no matter their race, creed, color or orientation, is any better or worse than anyone else. Yesterday's historic decision from a California judge to immediately cease implementing the DADT policy may be one step in the right direction, but with continued support and guidance, the representatives of our country must have their ears and eyes directed to the heart of this movement.

And this IS a movement! A civil rights movement! Don't let anyone tell you differently. Lt Choi referenced  numerous accounts from throughout history where the people of a group and their allies stood together in unity. He said that no revolution has ever caused change to go backwards, but that there have certainly been failed revolutions. This movement, this revolution, can not fail. This movement transcends every other movement and involved every other group in this country, intersecting all of us.

Love.  He lightened up the mood by talking about how he had never been in a relationship as a yunger man, even after knowing he was gay and serving in the Army for a number of years. The crowd laughed as he joked, "28 years, I thought all of this love stuff, that's for you straight people." " I didn't understand what it meant. I just studied harder. Worked harder . . . then I fell in love." He went on to quote numerous pop songs to show he understood love including the Beyonce, the Beatles "All you need is love" and Lady Gaga's poker face (admittedly not really understanding Gaga all that well but still liking her)

His light mood, but serious passion involved and engaged everyone in the room in a way that could not only be seen, but felt. Most notably this feeling was there in unity when he spoke of the recent suicides due to bullying and harassment. But through the tragedies and the pain, there has been triumph in recent days. We will continue to stand beside Lt Choi and see the final repeal of DADT, but will in no way stop there. Every citizen in this country should be free to express themselves as whoever they are, no matter what. They should NOT be discriminated against for it, and should have the support, and love, of their neighbors, friends, colleagues and family.

Mostly, we should have the support of ourselves. We should not be afraid to be who we are for fear of ridicule or rejection. Support yourself. Love yourself. And please show the same support, love and respect to everyone you know.

Tonight, my amazing mother came with me and sat by my side, my dad asked for details when we return (he had to work) my brother joined us in-between his class and work, and my grandparents invited my girlfriend to their 50th Wedding Anniversary. I am thankful every single day for the incredibly supportive and loving family that I am blessed with!

DADT

I am going to let national newspapers and campaigns speak for themselves on this one:

"A federal judge in Los Angeles Tuesday ordered the U.S. military to stop enforcing its "don't ask, don't tell" policy against gay service members.

U.S. District Judge Virginia Phillips ordered the military "immediately to suspend and discontinue any investigation, or discharge, separation, or other proceeding, that may have been commenced under the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' (policy)," CNN reported"

Great news!!! One problem, it can be appealed. 


Courage Campaign: Attorney General Eric Holder and the Justice Departmenthave a choice: fight the decision or let it stand. If they choose not to appeal the injunction, it will move "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" one step closer to the dustbin of history.

This is urgent. You can tell Attorney General Eric Holder not to defend "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" right now. Click here to sign your name to an open letter asking the Justice Department NOT to appeal the injunction and the historic federal court decision that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is unconstitutional:

http://www.couragecampaign.org/DontDefendDADT

Please take a few moments of your time to click the link and sign your name. This is a monumental trial and we need the support of the entire nation to move civil rights into the next step. 

"Servicemembers United, the nation's largest organization of gay and lesbian troops, hailed the injunction, The Miami Herald reported.

"This order from Judge Phillips is another historic and courageous step in the right direction, a step that Congress has been noticeably slow in taking," said Alexander Nicholson, executive director of Servicemembers United, which was a joint plaintiff in the suit along with the Log Cabin Republicans. "While this is certainly news to be celebrated, we would also advise caution in advance of a potential stay (from the federal appeals court)."'

Anticipation

Everyday is nothing short of a miracle and we must enjoy it. The suicides of the past few weeks have not only reminded me of this, but reminded me how important it is to remind even our closest friends how much they mean to us, even if we think they already know. It also has me remembering the friends that I have lost in the past to suicide, reminding me of the life they had as well as the life they never got to see through. Every person in our life means something to us, even if they are total strangers.

My parents and I stopped by Kohls last night to pick up a new vacuum cleaner on sale. On the way into the store I saw an older woman who was having trouble walking up the ramp. I offered her a hand and an Old Navy shopping cart from the store next door. After informing me that she was going into Kohls and not Old Navy, she decided she'd take the cart anyway. She was a very interesting person to talk to and while it may have only been a few moments of conversation to me, I could tell that it lit up her day to have someone to genuinely chat with. We both left the store at different times and went on with our lives. But for me, I will always remember the woman who said she was scheduled to have lunch with Marilyn Monroe the day that she died.


After leaving Kohls I headed north to Wallingford Connecticut where I met up with a group of friends including Nat, Kate and Tucker. Dayna, my roommate from last year and now Kate's roommate, also came with her friend Jess. Nat brought Alice and Cori, a friend from Danbury, drove in on her own. The eight of us frightfully waited for three and a half hours on line for the Trail of Terror haunted trail. The true terror? . . . waiting 3.5 hours for a haunt haha

Part of the curvy almost 4 hour line to get tickets

I have to say though, the time spent with my friends in line was more fun than the event that we came to see. Between Cori being scared out of her mind by a high-pitched cuddly voice turned lunging deep-toned monster and the array of interesting people to watch, we kept ourselves thoroughly entertained. The hilight of the evening was, me. No, I am not vain. I thought the bring a backpack full of goodies was a good idea to keep people happy on a long line. Turned out not only was it a good idea, but it became the entertainment of the night.

The famous hot cocoa bag . . .
which often doubles for hikes

"Grandma" outfit

We started in line with a police officer asking us what was in the glasses we were drinking. I had packed three thermoses of hot chocolate and started to spread the love early in the evening. He laughed and also asked me to open my backpack to check the contents. The first item to fall out? A bag of marshmallows. He almost could not contain himself with laughter and after getting out the words, "great, a bag of innocence, " he continued on down the line of perspective hoodlums. This, and my 'grandma outfit' consisting of a turtleneck, scarf and mom-pants, became the running joke of the evening. This poor officer ran into us six more times and every time was offered tempting hot cocoa with marshmallows.

Cori needed to have her Brisk and I needed some sustenance 

The haunt came and went, and the end of the night concluded with Cori, Nat and I sitting on the back of Cori's tailgate watching the others down Taco Bell at around midnight before we all head home. Everyone happy, everyone fed, and life continues to be worth every single second of it. Even standing in the cold for hours, the company makes it all worth it.

IT GETS BETTER!!!!

A few weeks ago I attended the University of Connecticut's homecoming Lipsync celebration. The last act to go on was that of the Rainbow Center, a cultural center on campus meant for LGBTQ and Allys to be safe, happy and express who they are without fear of hatred or bigotry. The RC won the Lipsync competition for the cultural centers category and there was not a single "booo" or hateful word said in response to the announcement. In stead, in a room filled with "competitors" there cheers of appreciation and admiration. In a very competitive arena, (Gampel Pavillion - UCONN basketballs home court to be exact) every group cheered each other on and looked forward to seeing the performances that had been created. Why does the world not work like this ?

I ask this, because a few days after this event I was in Staples with my mom when I got a call from my partner. She sounded upset and when I asked what was wrong, she responded with "didn't you hear?" I had been out of the house for most of the morning and had not heard the recent news. Her mom had told her about a boy at Rutgers University who was tormented by a video post that his roommate had secretly posted online of him and another male in their dorm room. The allogations and postings of him being gay were enough for him to jump off of the George Washington Bridge leaving behind only a facebook status post.



How cruel and intolerant can a person be?! I began to tear in the store and purposely did not tell my mom. She found out later that day and began to cry. She loves me, no matter what. I can not imagine the pain and suffering that his family is enduring in this national news story of their son's torment and suicide.


Respect. We do not have to date each other. We do not even have to like each other. But if these students who posted that video had simply respected the space of their roommate/aquaintance, TYler would still be alive. Thousands of children, teens and adults, would still be alive. This is not a single, isolated incident, nor is it isolated to LGBTQ youth. Bullying and teasing should never be tolerated, for any reason. A child who has a disability, who is gay, or who is from another country, is still a child, just as we all are. To your parents, you will always be their baby. And now, another baby is lost for no reason at all. 


The past few weeks have been filled with hateful messages, and tragic stories of young LGBTQ people ending their own lives. You MUST know that there are people out there who LOVE LOVE LOVE you!!!! The Trevor Project and It Gets Better Project have been created in a time that we should no longer need to tell people that their lives are worth it, and that they are PERFECT just the way they are. . . but we do need these places to go. We do need reassurance sometimes that there are people who care, because sometimes yes, this world is cruel. But we can learn to take the ignorance, and turn it into education. We can take the hate, and turn it into love. People need to open their hearts, and their minds to understand someone who is gay is NO different than someone who is straight, tall, white, black, hispanic, Christian, Jewish or any other classifying trait.  


Show those that you love, how much you care. Be there for them and support them. Being an Ally is not a weakness, but takes incredible self strength and security to stand up for another person. But if everyone in this country stood up for what they believed in, we would no longer need postings like this. 


The Trevor Project Hotline
866 488 7386

Open Options

This past week I accepted a job at Eastern Connecticut State University. I will be moving up there in the coming weeks and starting work on October 22nd.

It seems funny timing that Apple Computers has suddenly noticed that I had sent in an application. A few days ago I received an email from an Apple recruiter that there are creative and "Genius" positions available in the Stamford/Greenwich area. This would have been perfect! . .. 3 weeks ago. Even though the positions are only opening now, and I am moving to my dream job, I started to wonder what it would be like to work for the company that I have worshipped since I was old enough to know what Mac, or Macintosh, was. Newly revamped and preferably called "Apple," I decided to go on the group interview anyways. There is no hard in interviewing, meeting people, and practicing interview skills. Each interview will be very different throughout my life so I might as well take the chance to practice!

I also thought that it would not be a bad idea to have a part-time position for summers (when I am not working with my summer camp), holidays or weekends. I enjoy working and I LOVE Apple products. As a video editor I would not have learned and loved post-production as I do without them. I have always owned a Mac/Apple and always will. The interview itself was fun and its funny to see myself in 'professional attire,' knowing that this will be my day-to-day dress in less than a month. The college student in me is still alive and well as I enter the business/work world. But I am still open and more than willing to learn everything and anything I can!

"Real world" . . . here I come!

This morning my learning process started with the continuing, and COMPLETION of my first 'Tee Shirt Quilt" :)

I asked my mom for assistance as we turned the fabric over and I added the final stitches to a week long project of memories.

The top left corner and bottom right corner feature shirts from my graduating years at both The University of Connecticut and Westhill High School. All of the shirts in between mesh the eight years since I entered as a HS Frosh, right up to the day I graduated college.

It is scary, and refreshing to see home much I have grown and changed in those now seemingly short years. It also allows me to look forward to the next eight years with the same enthusiasm I had in my first days of these two worlds!